Since I have teenagers, I am somewhat hip to today's hits. Once they've both left home for good, I'm sure I'll be allowed to isolate myself with classic rock again. There's currently a popular song being played relentlessly by the radio stations called "Grenade" by Bruno Mars. The singer takes the macho approach to send his message of going to extremes to prove his love to his former girlfriend.
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Of course, whenever this song comes on the car radio, my fifteen-year-old daughter Kelsey turns up the volume and sings along. Being the mother, I attempt to make this a teaching moment by pointing out the ridiculousness of a guy making promises that he not only can't keep, but probably wouldn't have the opportunity to perform. Unless you live in a war-torn country, it isn't that often you are walking down the street and someone lobs a grenade toward your loved one. The man jumps forward, arms outstretched, "Honey, let me catch that for ya."
Likewise, what do the other masochistic proclamations do? "Honey, if you really love me, you'll stab yourself or jump in front of a train." Some may think it sounds romantic, but I'm thinking it's not a very healthy relationship.
While I'm on the subject of promises a man can't realistically keep, I thought of some other unrealistic demonstrations of devotion that would really get a woman's attention; promises that would make a woman's life easier without risking the life or limb of her man.
I'd have PMS for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Go through pregnancy and childbirth for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd stand in line at a public toilet for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
My last fantasy line addresses the only time I personally have "penis envy", when the bladder is full and finding a suitable bathroom is problematic. Men can go behind a building or a tree without exposing their rear ends. They never have to wait in line to use the public restroom. I invite my readers to think of other suggestions for men anxious to prove their love.